Dave's story of Chronic Pancreatitis & Chronic Pain


 

My story starts 25 years ago, with a trip to the hospital and a stay. My diagnosis was Acute Pancreatitis, a disease with one of  its  main symptoms and result of an acute attack is  really severe pain. I would experience these attacks about once every 2 years until 8 years ago.

 

8 years ago I started to get pain in my abdomen again and although not as severe as during an acute pancreatitis attack, it was starting to effect my every day life. During this early time I had an acute attack of pancreatitis and this time the pain did not dissipate as it had done previously but stayed with me on a daily basis. This set me down the path of ‘Pain Management’, and being exposed to various methods to control my pain. The methods I choose at that time was to use drug therapy in conjunction with CBT Training, Mindfullness and other mind ways to ‘distract’ you from pain, and a nerve block that was so uncomfortable and did not work. 

The methods except the nerve block worked well and I was able to maintain a fairly normal and active life for 5 odd years. I with my partner owned a gardening business and things were going well. Then one misty, wet day I was mowing with a ride on, on the side of the hill, when I lost control cause of the wet, and the mower and I went over a 7 foot embankment together, and some how my left foot got amongst the blades. The awesome skill of the plastic surgeons from Dandenong and the rehab and physiotherapists and my shear determination to get back asap,  saw my foot not only being saved, but 16 weeks after I was back pushing and riding my mower again. 

However, my need for pain management during this time and since is a part of my every day life.

My return to physical work was short lived, with, my foot and my belly to unpredictable for me to continue, so I changed careers back to IT, which was my early career.

However, my pancreatitis, is now at a Chronic point, as well as the pain. My partner and I separated and I moved back to where I grew up on the Mornington Peninsula. 

After my move and break up with my partner, I found myself alone with my pain a constant and me trying to establish myself back into IT, but my pancreatitis and pain escalated, and at one point I could not take it any more and I decided that I and my family would be better off without me, and I would get respite from all the pain in my life, both physically, emotionally and mentally.

Thankfully one of my family sensed something and I was to recover physically  from my action, and over the next year or so started to repair and strengthen my want to have a life. 

I have now participated in online and local programs to keep me exploring ways and means of containing my pain where I am able to manage now and for the next 20 years.

The mental battle is still under way, and I have explored physical interventions like nerve blocks, drug changes and the like.

Pain is not like other illnesses , you cannot see a bandage, nor can it be measured by monitors, all that is able to be communicated is between me and my doctors. I often question, is this all in my mind, is there a way that I can break the cycle, is my mind playing tricks on me. In some senses this is all true, and I believe that with the right combination of traditional therapies, like medication, and the training of the mind, in what ever way works for the individual is the best method to gain the best quality of life.

I also believe that chronic pain is not like an injury, it really does not heal, and it will be a part of me for the rest of my life. It brings with it, a lot of worry in the medical community, because of the drugs that we need to have a life. The trick is finding the right combination for the individual, and the combination is all of the mind work added to the drug therapies. 

With using drugs of this nature, there is also a lot of misconceptions in the community, and even to when I tell prospective dates on the Internet dating sites, that I suffer from chronic pancreatitis and chronic pain, that I rarely hear from that person ever again. I'm getting to a point of giving up on finding a partner, because the rejections add to your overall mental health, and I cannot afford to get into that depressive cycle.

That line in itself is depressing, and I haven't mentioned it as yet, Depression , it also plays a very major role in the chronic pain setting, in that it adds to your pain levels and distracts you from using all the coping skills you've learnt.

There is also the transition from being gainfully employed and independent, to being disabled and isolated. This is also a major part of my life at the moment, I'm a shy person in larger settings, and I have difficulty meeting new people, except for social media, but that also has its problems, in that you can get so immersed in others problems that you start forgetting yourself, and adds to the cycle. 

At this point in the road of life, I'm searching for that elusive fix, I'm hoping to get a spinal cord stimulator, in the hopes we can trick the brain into thinking the pain signals from my pancreas are not pain signals at all. I also am doing more courses to gain more knowledge in the hopes I can regain some of what I've lost over the years to this disease. 

It does seem from a patients point of view, that ‘Pain Management’, although it has been used in anaesthetics with medicine for decades, it is now only becoming a predominate problem after patients leave hospital,  and need on going pain care. We are now starting to see in most hospitals a pain management team, however they are extremely stretched with resourcing that we are getting care, but it could be improved ten fold, and have time for research to be done. This area of medicine is gaining momentum, but we need more help, and we need more care, love, support and a quality of life where our pain does not push us to a point of desperation, and all patients have mechanisms available to them, so that we can smile with life. 

The public also needs to know of the scope of the problem, and our challenges, so that we are not labeled as ‘drug seekers’, and we can gain money for support and ongoing care and research. Each hospitals ‘Pain Management’ department also needs this support, both publicly, monetarily and politically. Help is required on all levels with this complex illness.

Pain is a horrible, depressing, debilitating, isolating,misunderstood, and takes a lot of strength to be able to live with it on a daily basis. Waking each morning my first question to myself is ‘I wonder how much it's going to hurt today’. Often it's there and has to be dealt with as your first port of call each day, and that is my story so far.

My future is uncertain except that I will continue to strive to get the best quality of life that I can, so I can enjoy life and have a brighter outlook on my future.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I hope it brings a better understanding to our lives.

Dave M 

 

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You are a warrior. Light and Love 

Commented 8 years ago Heather 13

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