HG Gave

After suffering from HG, it can be very easy to get bogged down in the negative. It’s hard not to talk about the depression, Incessant fluid infusions, unrelenting nausea and vomiting, and so on. To add insult to injury, you really don’t get a choice whether to wear that HG Survivor badge or not. Surprise! You are handed that HG card and are forced to deal with it. FORCED! My life hasn’t always been peaches and cream, but thinking back, being FORCED to endure hardships has really shaped my life. So now that I have a bit of space from my last, and FINAL, HG experience I can look back on what HG has GIVEN to me.

 First, it has forced me to learn how to ask for help. I am the kind of person who likes to do things on my own. Whether it is because I want to feel the satisfaction of accomplishing things on my own, or because I don’t want to feel indebted to others (or let down if they don’t follow through), it has always been difficult for me to ask for help. When I felt the crushing weight on my shoulders, I would push through it on my own. Well, having HG, and a toddler, and a husband that was just switching jobs (therefore a constantly changing work schedule), O.B. appointments, infusion appointments, not being able to drive, or shop, or cook, or the million other things I could no longer do, I HAD TO ASK FOR HELP. I didn’t always get the help I wanted, but HG GAVE me the strength to trust those around me enough to ask. 

Secondly, it has made me see how strong I can really be. Any HG mom will tell you that HG literally pushes you to the edge of death. I was so scared during my first pregnancy because I did not know what was going on, and I had a less than supportive O.B. Needless to say, I was terrified that at any second I was going to die. I was actually told that it was surprising that I had not had a heart attack yet because my potassium levels were so low. Can you imagine hearing something like that only 12 weeks into a pregnancy? It was terrifying! During my second HG experience, I reminded myself every day that I made it through this once. I was strong enough to do it again. I was going to do it again, and HG GAVE me the strength to stare death in the face and keep walking.

Lastly, and one of the greatest gifts HG has given me, it has strengthened the bond I have with my husband. I began feeling nauseous not too long after we found out I was pregnant. Normal right? Everyone has morning sickness. We would joke about it, but it got serious very quickly. Soon I was completely unable to care for myself. My husband could have told me to suck it up. He could have told me that all women have morning sickness and still work. He could have told me that being pregnant isn’t a disability (All of which I know many of us have heard from people). My husband didn’t say any of those things. Instead, my husband did EVERYTHING for me. It wasn’t the cooking, cleaning or laundry that made me see him differently because those are practical things that would have had to get done anyway. It was “the little, big things” that made me see what an amazing person I married. After several weeks of HG, I got to the point where I could not bathe. I stank, and my long hair was greasy and matted. I was too weak to do anything about it, and it was really getting to me. He saw that and ran me a bath. He carried me to the bathroom. He undressed me. He placed me gently in the tub and he washed and cut my hair. That’s it. In any other situation it would seem so trivial, but when I was at my lowest point he found the one thing that he could do to help me feel more human, and he did it. Not everyone is so lucky to have a husband like mine, and HG GAVE me the ability to see it.

 

What gift has HG given you?                      

Written by: Cynthia Thomas