Question - Hyperemesis Gravidarum

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My 3 HG Babies

Asked 7 years ago Vanessa Pack 816

My journey begins at the ripe young age of 20, we had been married 6 months and if there's one thing in life I wanted it was to be a mum. I love babies I love kids and I wanted one to care for and love of my own. Sounds like a perfectly simple dream right? Oh how wrong I was, not about becoming a mother but the journey to get there, my next 9 months of life was an absolute nightmare! 5 weeks in or roughly 1 week after finding out I was pregnant the first feelings of nausea kicked in. Not too bad I thought I can handle this, nope wrong again. I started throwing up and I could not stop, I couldn't keep anything down at all, not even water even my own saliva made me vomit. Now at this time the most the doctors could do was give maxalon, well this did absolutely nothing in fact most of the time I would throw the tablet up. I went back to the doctor one day, who sent me home again saying I was fine, half an hour later my husband took me to the emergency room as I definitely did not feel fine, I was put on a drip and admitted to hospital where I spent the next 5 nights being rehydrated. This continued as a vicious cycle up until I had my first daughter at 34 weeks 6 days. This time in my life was extremely hard, to be bed ridden, constantly throwing up not being able to eat anything or simply just enjoy life with my new husband who when wasn't working became a live-in nurse cleaning up after me taking care of me and the house. However one of the hardest things I found while pregnant was the lack of understanding from others around me and those in the community. Except for those who spent the most time with me my husband and my mum etc in general it was common belief that I was just a sook, it's normal morning sickness, it will get better, try ginger, try eating before you get up, when you suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum none of the above works. In fact as I type this the dictionary doesn't even recognise those two words and has highlighted them. Now suffering this debilitating disease is one thing when your becoming a first time mum, but 4 years later when I became pregnant again desperately hoping this pregnancy would be different and caring for a almost 4 year old was another of my nightmares come true. At this point to be struck with hyperemesis gravidarum a second time was just cruel not only to go thru it all again but this time to have that motherhood dream basically taken away from me as I was too sick to look after my beautiful little girl. I tried oh how I tried, I would wake up throw up then try to get out of bed throw up as soon as I sit up. I would make it just outside my bedroom door where I would throw up again my then 3 year old beside me saying "it's ok mummy" and rubbing my back as I heave into a bucket. While waiting for her toast to cook for breakfast, yep you guessed it I'd throw up again, my days would continue like this before I realised I couldn't physically take care of my daughter while I was like this, so we had no choice but to move in with my mum for the rest of my pregnancy so she could be a nana and a nanny to my little girl. There were days when I wouldn't get out of bed, there were days where I would make it to the couch and stay there for the rest of the day but I would still be carrying my bucket and throwing up along the way. There were days where I would spend crying and crying as I struggled thru a day of constant vomiting ALL day thinking I can't handle this any longer I can't continue I don't want this baby anymore I felt like for me to give birth to a new life meant me losing my life for at least 9 months. I would go days without a shower, I would be up at the emergency room getting fluid at least once a week, sometimes they would just hydrate me and send me home other times they would admit me for a few days to really give me a boost. My own doctor refused to give me stronger medication so I changed doctors, to think there was something out there that could help but I couldn't have it was not acceptable to me as a patient. As it turned out this medication was so expensive I could not afford to buy it very often so I had to just take it on the days where I was unbearably sick as opposed to terribly sick. This once again continued as a vicious cycle until at 37 weeks I went into labour. However again the feelings I faced as I dealt with HG was a feeling of resentment feelings of worthlessness, feeling like your useless because I couldn't even take care of my own daughter, feeling like I didn't want to be pregnant anymore which in itself is a heartbreaking thing for a person who truly loves motherhood to feel. The feeling that people are talking about you behind your back because they don't understand how you can be that sick while pregnant, when you try to explain people simply don't get it they say come out with us the fresh air will do you good, NO it won't the fresh air does nothing but make me throw up more. Well now we come to the year 2012, both my girls were now in school so we had planned to try for another baby although I dreaded the thought of hg returning its ugliness to me we felt as though we needed to complete our family. Our plan was the girls are at school so if I get too sick at least I'm not looking after the girls all day and my husband finished work at 4 so we thought that sounded like a plan. We spoke to the doctor who had a medication and treatment plan if the hg did return. First month we tried I became pregnant we were so excited. About a week after finding out I started to feel sick but managed it for the first few days then one morning I took my first bite of toast and wham up it came again. That was the beginning of my next hellish journey. Right from the start I could no longer work I could barely make it down to talk to my manager and explain. I spent more time in hospital in this pregnancy days at a time getting rehydrated feeling like a pin cushion, as once again I could not keep anything down. All the feelings of being hopeless, and useless, unable to care for my family came back again, but I suffered more as I watched my husband become more and more physically exhausted as he was the dad and the mum, the housekeeper the bread winner he was everything to all of us. Getting the girls organized for school learning how to do their hair in ponytails, helping with homework, cooking tea, grocery shopping, all part of life for a husband of a HG sufferer. The times I were in hospital at first I thought this is good it's a break for them not having to look after me for a few days, but it was so hard on them especially my girls who would cry every time they found out I was going back and every time they had to go home from visiting they would cry which would make me cry, but then again even when I was home my youngest especially would cry because mummy couldn't come say goodnight to her without throwing up. I was also torn when I had stays in hospital it was the only place where I could get on top of feeling horrible and keep food down for days at a time and manage showers everyday, but then felt guilty because I wasn't home with my family. I had the same sort of days where I just wanted to die I literally felt like I could not live like this any longer. Then finally my third little girl was born she went on to have problems with her breathing and was taken away from me which was devastating after all we had been thru, but that is another story I think. So in conclusion what I have tried to get across simply by telling the story of my 3 HG experiences is the way you feel like you're stripped of your basic human right to live normally, the way people just can't wrap their heads around the fact that you could possibly be that sick just because you're pregnant, the impact it has on family life and my relationship with my husband and children not to mention the financial hardship from me stopping work and needing the most expensive tablets to help me not throw up so much. Then of course there is the part where you have to recover from hg, rediscover food again reconnect with the world, get back into a normal routine where I could actually take my kids to school, cook for my family, give my girls a story at bedtime and tuck them in, kiss my husband without having vomit breath. But in telling this story I also could not imagine my life without my 3 darling daughters who I feel we love even more because of our journey to have each one of them. I also need to offer my husband my everlasting gratitude for his love and care in getting us all through each one of these times in our life. He is my rock and I could not stand if it wasn't for him. My family is now complete (but I still get clucky sometimes shhh).

Written by: 

Leanne Jacobson

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