Living in the shadows
Dec 2, 2
By: Nickie Andrews
Outside of my immediate family and a handful of friends, I keep my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis hiden. Tucked away in the shadows where I feel it keeps me safe from the pitiful looks, awkward questions or even worse (for me, anyway) the fear that they will expect less of me and from me. My goals are sky high and the fear of someone lowering the expectation because of MS....is devastating to me.
MS is not my crutch. I may walk slower on some days or bouce of walls or pause at the top of a flight of stairs that others bound down but "it" is not me. I modify my daily activities to balance out the symptoms of MS that I may have the pleasure of dealing with that particular day....like my bladder just isn't quite functioning right which translates to very little to no fluid intake if I am away from home. Or, how about the lovely issue with our bowels!?! Unless I'm alone on that issue.....if so..please let me just believe we all share in the occasional bout of explosive diarrhea!
Have you ever played the game "if you had to lose one of your senses, what would you chose?" My answer has always been my hearing followed with the declarative statement "I don't want to go blind. I can't imagine having to depend on others ALL the time!" My MS is affecting my vision, my worst fear is coming true. The blurring at the edges, the ever incroaching peripheral vision. I am slowly going blind.
Until that day comes.....the day when I truly can not see. I go to school full time. Work every weekend (baylor position as a charge nurse) and strive to push myself. Because I know that the blindness may not come until tomorrow, next month, in three years or when I am 90. I am not living my life waiting on the axe to fall. I am just living my life, working towards my goals. And if and when the time comes to modify those goals or modify how I reach those goals....I pray God gives me the strength, ability and willingness to change.
As a side note....MS is a lonely disease, atleast it is for me. So if anyone out there lives in Alabama PLEASE let me know.
You may breath deeply, rarely, as a psicho told me, but I don t breathe too deeply when it s cold outside, make a prayer, to God, to Mary, to saints, to angels...I also please some dogs of mine to pray for me to God. Pray for salvation of souls, for less suffering... I am always dizzy.
Do you know the song sang by The Doors with, "O, moon of Alabama..."?
Avoid cell-destroying MDA. MDA - malondialdehyde is also produced by the effects of EMF (mobile phones, WLAN, etc.).
The underlying problem, however, is the damage to aldehyde-detoxifying enzymes. If these are inhibited, MDA can not be degraded fast enough. MDA accumulates and acts directly tissue-destroying.
Well I am not in Alabama, rather mid northern Ontario Canada, where a chance for a coffee with another friend with MS is slim to none. I've shared my MS story at work- it's a learning curve for me and them. I'm also deaf but not from MS but birth. If we want understanding we have to help them learn just as we do. Helping to promote open mndnessness is good for our brains and everyone else's. Kudos to you for giving I your all.
