A tale of 2 faces

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I developed symptoms of Trich when I was 11 after my mom was diagnosed with cancer. After she passed it got incredibly worse. I mainly pull my eyebrows and eyelashes, but also pull everywhere. It was very embarrassing growing up. I'd pencil in my eyebrows, but I was terrible at it and hated spending so much time on makeup. I avoided situations where I could get wet or cry or anything else that could cause my makeup to come off. I would always think people were staring at the fact that I had no eyebrows or eyelashes. In college I took physiology and an activity we did was looking closely into each other's eyes. I was so afraid of my partner calling me out on having no eyelashes that I pretended I needed to leave class early. I had long term relationships where the person never saw me without makeup. I'd make sure I woke up before them incase my eyebrows came off on the pillow, or my eyeliner vanished. As an adult I have had my eyebrows tattooed on, and it has been nothing short of life changing. It makes me feel free. I'm a little reluctant to having someone tattoo eyeliner... so close to my eye, but I'll probably get that done, too. I no longer see an ugly face when I look in the mirror and can go on retreats or camping without worry that my face will come off.

 

I am also an alcoholic with 2 years of sobriety. My drinking got way out of control when I was around 21. I was a shy person and used it as a sort of social lubricant. I hid bottles in my car so I could take shots before a social event that I had to go to. After awhile, it became an addiction. I ride horses, and I'd hide bottles in grain barrels, tack trunks, etc., and be drunk just about all the time. It became so I couldn't go without it, ever. I had bottles and bottles and bottles all around me. Reach into my pocket, alcohol bottle, open my car door and booze would fall out. It was my whole life. My partner took my car keys and credit card, and I walked to my bank, showed them my drivers license to take out cash so I could walk to the store to buy alcohol. I was a zombie going mindlessly after booze. My partner then took away my license, so I broke into my neighbors house and stole his beer. There were times when I'd try to stop, but just couldn't. I got thrown into detox twice, but relapsed both times. I developed reverse tolerance where even the smell of alcohol would make me puke, but I'd stand in the closet with my bottle of vodka and keep trying until I could keep enough down. I ended up going to treatment and came to terms with the severity of my problem. I take my recovery very seriously and work to maintain my sobriety every day.