Why Me?

After an abusive childhood I finally found the person to spend my life with. It took 30 years. I wanted children right away due to our ages (30 and 36). It took a year but I finally became pregnant and had a healthy 8 lb 1 oz baby girl. I did the natural childbirth thing, not wanting to affect the baby with any drugs. I also decided to breastfeed my daughter. After about three months of uneventful breastfeeding I began to feel pain in my hands. They would turn numb. I also noticed that my fingers and toes would turn white while in air conditioning. (It was not yet winter). My husband said I just need some excercise so I would walk the baby in the stroller around our neighborhood. When I returned I would have to pry my fingers from the handle of the stroller. I couldn't do anything a new mother should! When I woke up in the morning my whole body would be so stiff that I would have to rock until things loosened up. It would take about 15 to 20 minutes. This frightened me. I had a new baby, how would I take care of her? I saw a doctor that told me I had a sinus infection. I asked around and got the name of a highly regarded M.D. He knew right away what was wrong with me but wouldn't give me a diagnosis without seeing a rheumatologist. He did give me a prescription for prednisone which I filled and began taking. This saved my life! I felt so much better! I did make an appointment with the rheumatologist he recommended and began seeing. Over the course of a few months we worked together to find the right medications to treat my illness. He told me it was Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. Once I started feeling better I found a doctor closer to my home and began seeing him. During the years I saw this doctor my Sjogrens Syndrome began to rear its ugly head. After 27 years Sjogrens Syndrome is my major illness. Throw in a little neuropathy, osteoarthritis, a little osteoporosis and intersistal lung disease. This is what defines me today. The maintenance of my illness. Some days are easy, some are hard but I am never going to give in to this horrible disease.