2 Pregnancies, Awful Journey to an amazing end

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I have had stomach problems my whole life. I was diagnosed with GERD and peptic ulcer disease as a teenager. The pain was so much my mom took me in and they found thick scar tissue on my lower stomach from years of ulcers. I have pepto, Tums, and Zofran by my bed for pretty much my whole life. I chug pepto, eat Tums like candy, and when I get vomiting fits take Zofran. I am prescribed to Prilosec, and others but you are not suppose to take them for more than 14 days because it's extremely bad for the kidneys. And since I have had kidney failure twice from excessive vomiting I have to be careful. 

So because of my fear of food and stomach pain I have always been underweight. 

I got pregnant when I was 20 with my first daughter. Totally unexpected. I was 5'10, 115 pounds. I thought the excessive vomiting was normal part of pregnancy. I would eat then vomit. I absorbed a small amount. And I was young and use to vomiting. I would throw up about every hour. Not realizing the effect on my teeth. My doctors said it was normal, they prescribed me Zofran suppositories. They didn't work. So I would just go to hospital for IVs every week or so. I was young and held up better then. I vomiting to about 32 weeks like this, lost 12 pounds so I was about 5'10 103 pounds. They were concerned and calling me bulimic and anorexic because I was diagnosed anorexic at 18. They said I was going to kill my baby. Jerks. It started getting better about 30 weeks. I puked maybe once a day if triggered. Starting gaining weight, I ended up gaining 20 pounds. They said my baby was going to have to be in NICU and was going to be too small. She was 7.7! Perfectly healthy! I lost 15 pounds in delivery and didn't even look like I gave birth. 

Im currently in 2nd pregnancy 8 years later. I knew if i got pregnant I would be an invalid and i was in college and working a good job. I couldn't take off 8 months. Plus some. So I didn't have a period for 6 years. I was told I couldn't get pregnant, at one point they thought I had a tumor on my pituitary gland. I went to doctor to inquire about if I could start trying. She gave me medications but I didn't take them because I wasn't ready. I had new boyfriend and when we started having unprotective sex I bled, a few days on few days off... (so weird). We broke up but I was already pregnant...

So fast forward. Puking non-stop, couldn't drink couldn't eat. Started this pregnancy at 118 pounds. Lost 7 pounds before going to doctor and them telling me I had flu and it was too early to be throwing up so I switch doctors. My face was sucked up, I had no color except the dark circles under my eyes. So deep you could see the outline of my eye socket bones. I couldn't walk I couldn't shower myself. I lost my job, I lost my home, I'm currently staying on someone's couch with my 8 year old

daughter. I've been in and out of hospital. Passed out multiple times, ketones, anemic, low blood pressure, low blood sugar. Diclegis makes me violently vomit for hours. I am on Zofran and Phenergan. They weren't working too well, but I refused to get PICC line or pump. My doctor was pushing it, but I'm living on someone's couch that wants to kick me out for being "lazy" already let alone home care coming in. I sipped Ensure and made myself get fresh air and at 18 weeks it has eased up a bit with everything. I'm still weak and can't stand in shower so I shower once every two weeks because their is no tub and no one to help me. (I know gross, I'm sorry) My baby is consistently measuring small after 9 week ultrasound , and at 17 weeks instead of being concerned by doctor switched my due date. So I go to new doctor tomorrow, because they also can't get my blood because of dehydration and IVs and haven't even cared to send me to specialist... I've told them time and time again I have to have ultrasound, and my arms are blown out....

Everytime I get in my car I vomit till I see stars but I do it for my baby. I have sores all over my mouth, I'm pretty sure I have the beginning of an ulcer since I have been vomiting the normal yellow and green. But now dark gray. And awful pain. I pulled muscles in my stomach and back and have broken blood vessels on my cheeks and under my eyes.

My back teeth are crumbling, and because of the vomiting this time I aggravated my teeth I got a horrible abscess that had to be drained and they couldn't even finish because of vomiting. So now the temprorary cover is brig eaten away by bile. But I feel as though I have no right to complain because there are woman worse than me. Thanks for reading. 18 weeks now (or according to doctor) 16..... I'm also more depressed than I have ever been in my entire life and at one point thought of literally ending it for me and my baby. Not termination just suicide. Now that I feel kicks it has slightly perked me up. Love to all HG sufferers.