New carpet poisoning

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I was most likely predisposed to chemical injuries via genetics, and college years spent in photography darkrooms with the chemical products didn't help. In 2002, I moved into an apartment in which management had installed cheap new wall to wall carpeting.  Began reacting immediately, took 3 weeks for body to experience a massive chemical injury that changed sensitivity levels in an instant.  For me it was truly like being hit by a lightning bolt, as if my brain was rewired in a split second. I woke up at 1 AM with what felt like a massive blow to my head (noone was with me) and my VOC tolerance and sense of smell were forever changed in an instant. I slept outside that night and quickly self-diagnosed the next day when I realized the damage extended to many textiles and chemicals that were now "triggers". I was familiar with MCS from watching "Northern Exposure" in the 1990s, so having that point of reference and the internet, I quickly honed in on what happened, though to this day, I have never been formally diagnosed as there are no doctors in my state who will treat MCS and take insurance (beyond that what can they really do anyway?).  So I subsequently discovered that the chemical injury resulted in my reacting to many common MCS triggers like diesel exhaust, cheap paint, synthetic carpeting, mold, smoke, plastics and perfume.

I can work in low-trigger environment provided I have a 100% home to sleep in at night. The made-in-China revolution has been a nightmare, products that were never a problem when made in the U.S. or Europe are now almost always an off-gassing problem. Sheets, clothing, oil-filled heaters, carpets, shoes, textiles, etc. 

The worst thing about MCS is not having to sleep in 10 degree weather in January when an accident occurs - like spilled perfume from a visitors' bag, even when you've asked your guest not to bring any into the house.  The worst thing is when the people that are supposed to love you the most, like parents, refuse to believe you and refuse to provide help when you are desparate for a place to live. From the outside - you can't see I have MCS and I don't advertise it. I am educated, well-balanced, logical, employed and generally not a needy person. But there have been times when MCS has compromised my life after exposures, and my employment has been compromised because finiding shelter becomes a priority. The issue is back-up, since almost all construction post-1990 is generally a problem for people with MCS, my "back-ups" have been quickly shrinking as friends and family relocate to new housing or gut-renovate old construction.  The one thing I need more than anything is a back-up home, but saving for this is impossible when paying for a primary home.  Home ownership is everything for someone with MCS, and unfortuantely one is not enough. Back-up is imperative. 

Sometimes I play a game - "what horrible health condition / disease would you be willing to trade MCS for"? I'd pretty much agree to go deaf in exchange for ridding myself of MCS.  Blind, no. Parapalegic? Maybe. Quadripalegic? No.  We all probably play this game sometimes when wondering how much we can really take. It's like a cruel joke that never ends. I ask my mother sometimes - why should I believe that you have a thyroid conidtion when I can't see it? How do I really know that your knees ache with arthritis? And Dad, why should I believe you have chronic lyme if it's not accepted througout the medical community? But the parents don't see the parallels, they only see differerences and call it "somatic". It's so insulting, and causes a massive rift.  My parents are 73, and I think about the next years as they are aging and ultimately someone will go first. I ask myself if they will ever ask me for help, especially when one of them dies and the other is left alone. Then I wonder if I'll be willing to help them if asked, after years of what I consider abandonment during my darkest days. 

I also think about what happens when I am 80- I had no children as a result of having MCS, I have no nieces or nephews or brothers or sisters. My husband is more than 10 years older than me.  What will happen if I ever become disabled, or if I fall victim to Alzheimers? I'm pretty sure that the MCS won't disappear even if my brain is fading. I know what will happen if someone tries to put the future older me into a newer construction old-folks home.  It would probably kill me faster, but it would be a slow and tortured process. I wonder if there are people going through this right now, 85 year olds with MCS who have been committed to "last stops" where they are suffering terribly. 

Noone would ever know I have MCS from the outside and I blend right in with the executive crowd. But this is my story and the things that MCS makes me think about.