Story about Visual Snow , Anxiety.

Visual Snow

Oct 14, 2021

By: babgsoe01

Year Condition Began: 2012


I think this was caused by a dose of dilaudid or morphine in the hospital for a stomach illness when I was 19. I left the hospital and thought I was going to lose my vision because I was seeing shadows and it looked like I had been rubbing my eyes constantly. I don't recall having these visual symptoms prior to that hospital stay. I am confident this is not hallucinogen persistent perception disorder because I have never done hallucinogenic drugs.
Lots of tests were run. No lesions on my nerves or in my brain, there is nothing wrong with my eyes or nerves or brain. This is comforting to remember. But frustrating at the same time, because it makes it seem like you are faking the visual disturbance.
However I do recall having tinnitus almost my entire life. I thought everyone had tinnitus. Curiously though I am almost 30, according to my otolaryngologist I can hear as well as a teenager. I even wear earplugs in loud bars and at concerts because my hearing is so acute. My father's hearing is the same way. He is almost 70 and can hear the humming and buzzing of plugged in electrical appliances. The tinnitus has never bothered me. It wasn't till I was 25 that I learned some people get very distressed over their tinnitus.
The visual snow impedes my night vision, which is distressing. I try to calm down by reminding myself that as we age, night vision decreases in general. I can still drive at night, I just really hate those ultra bright high beam lights!
My visual snow or static is almost less like television static and more like the bright part of waves in a pool pattern, or a screen door, but the color of the visual disturbance is that bizarre non-color you get by rubbing your eyes. Or imagine looking at a bright light and then looking away; the burnt-out afterimage is the color that is constantly there.
If I focus really hard on the snow (which I really try not to!) I do see little white dots, spaced about half an inch apart in a grid, with black pinpoints in the middle of the dots.
I also see the visual remnants when looking at an object and then looking away, The shadowy outline of the object trails in my sight. It is odd.
Phosphenes is what I have been told those images are. The images do not go away when I close my eyes. I do not think they are present in my dreams though I haven't exactly been looking for them while dreaming.
I do not see any individual images; that is to say the visual disturbances I see are even across my entire field of vision.
The saddest thing is looking at the sky or a landscape and seeing all this crap in the way of the view! I got very sad and distressed about the whole thing recently when I was in northern Michigan looking at the Milky Way. All the stars should've been very beautiful but instead I was struggling to see them through the false images and shadows in my vision! I just looked away and went back inside. I remember as a child and teenager, I used to love looking at the night sky. Now I don't like it. Very disappointing.
I do focus more on the visual disturbance when I am stressed or anxious, and then I get more worked up because I then focus on the snow, and then get upset about that, in a cycle...
Antidepressants and anti anxiety medication do not help. I will never do experimental drugs like ketamine or peyote for anxiety because I am worried it might trigger worse snow or give me HPPD.
Oh well. I hope reading this helps someone else.

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