A life worth living

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The start to my beautiful day ended all to soon when I slipped while going down the stairs. Grabbing onto the rail as I reached the bottom, I felt a tearing , searing pain in my right shoulder. Doctors visits became all too regular as I was treated for a shoulder sprain and the regular 3 month cortisone injections was like candy to a child. I was the child , crying from inside and out , confused as things were not going my way at all. I was becoming withdrawn, thee pain was unbearable and I felt like I was slipping into a black hole . I desperately wanted this pain to stop ,, I thought that only death would bring me relief.

A second opinion had me going for an MRI . This was followed by anaesthetic guided injections into the shoulder joint, the relief only temporarily.
By now, I was suicidal and my partner wasted no time in doing a refferal to a mental health clinic. This unravelled the fabric of my trust and suddenly I felt scared and alone.
I had lost my company and my will to live. I was in pain 24/7, I wanted to die each day ,I was miserable ,depressed and anxiety and panic attacks set in.

A visit to a professional sport surgeon and a muscular skeletal Specialist in muscular was my last hope. After 1 year of pain , surgery was performed and I had an AC joint resection.
The road to recovery was in sight, or so I thought.
It's been 4 years since my injury and each day holds a brand new beginning. The pain has not gone away, it's got worse , doing more travelling in my body but I manage the best that I can.

Together we all sat down to put a pain management team in place . Now I have a great pain management team that supports me , a loving partner and family and the friends that remained in my life. My husband is my best friend, my soul mate and always ensuring mthat things things was gonna be okI learnt to focus on the things that matter and I live in hope that tomorrow will be better and the blue cloud and black hole I find constantly in my life will not always befriend me.

I have learnt to love me, learnt to be kind to me, learnt to understand me.My spirituality increased !my diet changed and I know the road ahead is not paved smooth and straight but I ‘m ready to walk ahead with awesome supports at my side.
I am not able to do the things I have done before , it's been life changing so I've learnt to do the things I can and not push myself so as to avoid disappointment.

I religiously attend my pain psychologist appointments fortnightly, it helps to talk. I am more aware of this disease that has invaded my body and stand tall and manage it the best I can instead of fighting it. I have learnt to allow my CRPS to walk beside me and not define me My pain flares are the worst, rendering me helpless at times, but I’ve learnt to listen to my body and keep hope alive. I know my life will be a living testament as I journey because I believe, because I have faith.

Their are times that I feel depressed, times I stay in bed and shut out the sunlight, times I grieve for the loss of me but life is a gift and through it all, I want to live.