- Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
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It wasn't just Premenstural Dysphoric Disorder, it was Premenstural Psychosis
I've probably had PMDD since my cycle started when I was 14. I was moody, bad PMD symptoms, migraines, it interfered in my life but I was able to manage most of the month. In 2011, after the birth of my second daughter I developed what we thought was post partum psychosis, probably within two months. I wasn't able to breastfeed, again, I had no milk supply literally so my cycle started up again pretty quickly. My psychosis included severe depression, anxiety, hallucinations, mania, delusions, paranoia, and suicidal/homicidal ideation. It didn't stop even after I started the anti depressants, anti-psychotics, so they diagnosed me Bipolar II. Years passed, 50 different psych meds in various combinations, upto 15 different medications a day, and eventually ECT treatments. When I pointed out to my doctors how cyclical it was, that before I ovulated I was manic, impulsive, paranoid and it changed to utter despair, depression, suicidal behaviors, panic, and hallucination after I ovulated till my period started, they ignored me. They said it might be affected by my cycle but it wasn't caused by it so I had to keep doing the medications and therapy. Finally in late fall of 2015 I was fed up with all the medications that made me worse, the therapy that got me no where, all the hospitalizations, I was now on disability, I couldn't function, had to live with my parents so they could help take care of me and my children. I had lost my life basically. Late 2015 I started taking a hormonal supplment, phytoestrogen and it made a difference. I took it because it felt like I was having menopause symptoms even though I was only 31. It wasn't a cure, but it allowed me to get off all the psych meds and I could function a bit more. I knew that I was right, it was hormonal and I really need to solve it now. It took me several months before I could get someone to pay attention to me but finally I found a doctor, out of my state, but my husband was on a contract near by so I went up to see the doctor. He listened for the first time, agreed to do a Lupron trial (which put me in chemical menopause) and if the results were good we would do surgery. Three weeks into Lupron, we all saw a huge difference in me. A month later I had my surgery. I had a total hysterectomy and a bilateral salpingo oophorectomy and it saved my life. I have PTSD and anxiety from my experiences and occasional depression. I'm still fairly unfunctional as far as operating outside my home and if stress or pressure is put on me I shut down. But I am able to be a mom now, I even homeschool, and take care of the apartment and fix meals, I am happy. I feel like my life has turned around, I may still be disabled but I'm not wishing for death every day and that made all the difference in the world.
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