Loving life despite PMDD

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I have been living with PMDD since I was 11 years old. My mum had it too. Now my one hope in life is that my daughter doesn't have to live this hell as well. My sister dodged the bullet so there is hope... As a young teen I remember telling an adult that I thought I had PMS and being told 'don't be silly, you're too young to have PMS'. Even at the time I thought 'surely if I can have my period then I can have PMS'. By 19 I was suicidal for ten days every month and the only thing that kept me alive was my buddhist faith that I was clinging on to at the time and my fear of a worst rebirth (I don't consider myself Buddhist anymore although I still draw on the philosophy and practises). How could I possibly live through anything worse than this? I couldn't imagine it, so I clung on.

Things started to turn around when I discovered the effect that sugar has on my mental health, and took a massive leap forward when I read potatoes not prozac by Kathleen de Maison and figured out that I needed to eat lots of protein and whole grains to balance my brain chemistry. I haven't eaten sugar or caffeine or drank alcohol for almost 20 years now and it takes no self control as there is no part of me that wants to ever feel that bad again. Despit the difference it has made I still struggle. I am sensitive to drugs and usually end up feeling constantly nauseous and having other unwanted side effects so I decided a long time ago to enjoy my good weeks and live my pre-menstrual time the best that I can without drugs. With a loving supportive partner, meditation, exercise, reducing stress, focusing on what I'm grateful for, getting outdoors, using a sun lamp in the winter, and a whole cocktail of vitamins and herbs, I am at a place where I have hell days rather than a hell two weeks, and rarely a whole day. I ride the waves and enjoy the good moments when they come, and they do come. Of course I am writing this on a good day when I fully love my life, but I work hard to remember these days even when I don't feel it and my brain is trying to hijack my life. Something shifted for me when I fully accepted that I am living with a chronic illness (have been for a very long time) and I deserve to give myself a break and pat myself on the back for all that I do despite it.