A Long Hard Road

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Going out the door/heading for work/I had an excruciating pain in my groin/I dropped to the floor. ER visit/Emergency Surgery/several hardened Lymph Nodes removed from groin/they thought I had a Hernia. I went back to work/my incision kept opening up/& the fatigue became so bad I was bedridden for approx. 4yrs. Going to various Drs. knowing something was wrong/but all tests appeared to be normal. My symptoms grew/cognitive/became dyslexic/etc. I asked to be referred to the Cleveland Clinic/after one visit/was Diagnosed w/CFS/ME. It took another 4yrs. of fighting w/govt. to receive SSD. I am now 58/I was in my early 30's when this all began/I pray for a cure/or @ least way to help those with this illness. I had a semi-remission/I could perhaps do something one day/then need a week or more to recover. I have been in a relapse now for approx. 2yrs. Bed or Couch/except Dr. appts./groceries/a family gathering here & there/usually leaving shortly after arriving. I have many symptoms/allergies/severe pain constantly/my lymph system acts up/& it hurts to hug/so very sad. I @ times use a wheelchair/cane/walker/depending on the day/or plans. I know many others w/this illness are even worse/than I am. I hope they can someday figure this crazy disease out!!! My house is a mess/& when I do have a good day/I choose to do something enjoyable/& let the housework go. I never lived like this before!! I live alone/w/my little dog/she is my salvation/she lays w/me & seems to know when the pain is out of control. Most of my family & friends are understanding/some not so much. I am grateful for Face Book groups/as we help each other by just being there for one another. I would Love to be Healthy again/go back to work/have a life/the thing that upsets me most/are those who think being on disability is fun/It Is Not!!! I was a hard worker & Loved the people/& feeling of self worth, work gives you. I try to stay strong/but I will not lie/@ times it is Very difficult!!! Prayers to All w/any illness or disease!!!!